Worst movies you have ever paid to see.
You know what I am talking about. The ones where you prayed to G-d for those 2-3 hours back. Sometimes it might have been the company you were keeping - but sometimes you wanted to cry to the heavens and say "Why, oh why have you forsaken me?" or "Don't the studio heads know there are starving people in the world?"
The only rule here is you had to pay to see it. That is what makes it sting.
Liar, Liar (somebody lied when they said this was good.)
King Kong (the newest one, of course - not only was it terrible but I was on a HORRIBLE date- talk about adding insult to injury!)
Friday the 13th, Part IV, A new Beginning (I know, what was I expecting?)
Hostel (on pay-per-view, but still...)
Eyes Wide Shut (I really wanted to like this. I really didn't.)
9 1/2 Weeks ( worst movie I ever saw 3 times!)
Highlander 2 ( I can't even talk about it.)
Pay It Forward (every second of this movie is contrived and then after watching the whole bloody thing the kid dies!!! Sorry if I just ruined it for anyone but trust me, it doesn't matter.)
Star Wars - Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (waited half my life for a new Star Wars movie and then wanted to throw up.)
The English Patient (I am sure no one agrees with me here but , first of all it was boring as all hell and for the life of me I can't understand why in the world anyone would rather be with a Nazi when they could be married to Colin Firth?? This movie never should have been made.)
Bonus: worst two movies I never saw - Magnolia (Ask Steve P. why)
Battlefield Earth (L. Ron Hubbard)
I am sure there are many more I have blocked out.
Your turn!
25 comments:
This one is easy -
Austin Powers 1 and 2. I can't believe I paid to see the sequel when I hated the first one.
I'm with you on Pay it Forward. I was manipulated right out of my $7.50.
In the Bedroom - I think that's what it was called. It's about a director masturbating on film for what felt like 10 hours.
Thank you for being unafraid to say you hated "The English Patient". I did too, and to this day have to put up with "sigh--but it was SO romantic". Gag.
yeah Debra!! A fellow English Patient Hater. That makes me feel even better about it.
Robyn -- I liked In The Bedroom but I understand what you are saying about it. And Kate Winslet wasn't in it. :)
The first one that comes to mind is Kids. I don't remember today what that was based on, but I walked out of it. I think the kids killed a cat or a dog. I usually enjoy disturbing movies, but I was not enjoying that one. I loved that TV show Strangers with Candy, but the movie wasn't that good. I stayed out of fear that Amy Sedaris would find out I walked out.
The Benigni live action Pinocchio with English dubbing. I don't think I have ever seen anything this bad before. I think it might have been better with subtitles, but I doubt it would be good.
I agree with the Austin Powers, although I did not go to the sequel.
JB you listed so many of the worst, King Kong, Highlander 2, I didn't have to pay for Star Wars, so I couldn't demand my money back, but I still want the many years of my life wasted waiting for that crap!
My benchmark worst movie ever, Showgirls. Even with seeing one of the Saved By The Bell girls naked, the movie was just painful.
JB, why did you see 9 1/2 weeks three times? I don't think I ever saw the entire movie, but I saw enough to know it sucked.
Worst I never saw, English Patient, there was nothing about that movie that ever made me remotely interested, and I know a lot of people that hated it, so don't feel bad. Both of you have become even cooler for being able to admit you distaste of this movie.
Hoosier Steve - you have made me so happy!
(and the reason I saw 9 1/2 weeks so many times was, sadly, because I found it sexy. But in a really bad way - not even good enough to make a guilty pleasure list. But I was young.)
Interestingly enough, I rented The English Patient several years ago and couldn't make it through the first 15 minutes, it was so dull. However, I kept thinking it must just be me, so believe it or not, I rented it from again Blockbuster and it's been sitting by the TV for about two weeks now. Juliette Binoche is in it and she's so pretty. Maybe I'll just fast forward to her parts. (I hate Kristin Scott Thomas - she's in it too, isn't she?)
oh Robyn. seriously, just send it back. See Dan in Real Life for your Juliette Binoche fix. It wasn't great but it was better than E.P. and Juliette is beautiful in it.
Gladly. Consider it done!
Popeye (Robin Williams & Shelly Duvall), which is also the only movie I ever walked out of.
Okay, I left Ratatouille early also, but only because my son who was 3 1/2 at the time and who had never seen a movie in a theatre, got kind of scared by the surround sound and huge picture and wanted to leave.
Another awful movie was The Next Best Thing. What a misnomer!
So I'm a little embarrassed to say I loved the Enlish Patient. And I am no romantic, or maybe I am but just won't admit it. Colin Firth is awesome but Ralph Fiennes had it going on in that movie. He has it going in in every movie except Schindler's List. I admit it was hard for me to get past him in that role, but I have, and I'm enamored.
Suzanne - I forgive you for liking English Patient- hey it won a ton of awards so a lot of people must have loved it! And frankly I am surprised anyone agreed with me at all. I am sure you are in the majority.
eww - right- Popeye was terrible.
I haven't paid to go to a movie in ages. I barely remember those days, but here's a few I can think of:
Titanic. My hopes were very high but that script was a piece of crap.
Moulin Rouge. A period film scored with bad covers of bad pop songs sung by bad singers. That's just, well, bad.
Man in the Moon. (Andy Kaufman portrayed by Jim Carrey) I don't know what made me go see this. A movie about a comedian I couldn't stand, starring an actor whom I detest.
I loved Any Kaufman but I love you too so I will let that slide.
I'm sad, I can't really respond to this one. We so rarely go to the movies any more, that when we do, it's for something we REALLY want to see. And my memory no lomger goes back beyond 7 years ago. I think I watched The English Patient as a rental and I do recall thinking "Is this going to take the rest of my life to finish and is anything going to happen?" But, oh my love Janine, Moulin Rouge was my first time out of the house after Jamie was born with Nancy and Terry McMahon, and we LAUGHED our behinds off. We enjoyed it so much more than the "normal" people in the theater!
Oh well, if we all liked the same things all the time, it would get kind of boring.
While in Idaho I saw two movies that would definitely be on the "why God, did I just pay for that?" list. Well, the answer is mainly there wasn't much else to see, but these were terrible:
The Jumper
The Other Boleyn Girl
(Peeee----ewwwwwww)
I took my daughter to "Jumper." Oy, was it bad. Phantom Menace was pretty dreadful; I just refused to buy the DVD for my son and had to explain why there were just some movies I would not buy. Gotta give him credit, he stuck to his guns (or blasters, as it were). Someone else will have to buy it for him for his birthday...
Have you ever heard of Eraserhead? I've seen it twice. What was I thinking? Peter Greenaway's Prospero's Books -- variations on Shakespeare at their worst. Amanda Bynes in "She's the Man" -- guilty pleasure. Amanda Bynes in "Sydney White"? Guilty of just plain badness.
Makes me feel fortunate that I'd rather stay home and watch B'ball unless it's a real great movie; however, I must say that Dentists, Dentists was just horrible-and. if I hadn't been alone-never would have sat through the whole movie!
It was worse than bad1
(:
Opps! Senior moment-meant to say that if I HAD been alone, I would not have sat through this horrible movie! (:
Hey, JB, how about favorite lines from a movie? "Luke, I am your father..." kind of thing? Just a thought...
I will take more time to answer this throughly but I wanted to thow in
"The Avengers"
It was so bad and i was literally the only one in the theatre.
that comment above is supossed to be Andy Kaufman...not Any Kaufman.
I saw Moulin Rouge courtesy of Netflix on my 25" TV and thought it sucked dog balls. I may have appreciated the visuals more had I seen it at the theatre, but it still wouldn't have come anywhere near the hype.
Maxie. It had Glenn Close who's body was inhabited by a flapper from the 20's. Stinky.
Kids. REALLY bad. Walked out of this one.
The Black Cauldron. Disney at it's worst.
Jinxed. Bette Midler's follow up to The Rose. Truly awful.
Shining Through. Melanie Griffin. What else is there to say, really?
The last 3 Star Wars movies. Ick.
Jar jar binks? C'mon.
War of the Worlds remake with Tom Crazy... uh... I mean Cruise. Blech.
Atlantis (Disney animated) I REEEEEEALLY wanted to like this. But I REEEEEEALLY didn't.
Sparki
Dog balls?!?!? Robyn, you're hilarious!
(I loved Moulin Rouge, though. I guess I'm in the minority. But after Baz Luhrman did Strictly Ballroom followed by Romeo + Juliet he basically couldn't go wrong in my book.)
Shining Through - I'll second that motion. Melanie Griffith AS A SPY! I don't know what director thought she could pull that one off (I guess I could look it up), but they were wrong.
Maxie - That one goes on the "guilty pleasures" list. I know it's retarded, but it was the mid-80s and Glenn Close.
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